Life?!: The RBA Wake

Having woken with a slightly sore back it was time to start preparing for the RBA wake.

Jake kindly gave me a lift to the Hogs Head with the equipment (RBA 44 for the slide show, old office stereo for the music, disco lights for the dancing and some decorations). We then both wandered around the shops a little worse for wear but recovering slowly. Then it was back home to get ready. Met Tim and Simmo to prepare the room with the fab RIP decorations Laney had bought. The party started with lots of catching up and everyone looking lovely.

A short while in and Tim summoned everyone with the RBA sales bell and gave out the awards:

Award for: Most Embarrassing Moment Between 9 to 5
Sponsored by: Dolly Parton
Nominations:
Karen B – for her trousers splitting and being pooed on by 2 seagulls whilst in Portsmouth for a client meeting. Rachel Simmons – for having to explain to the man she ran over why she couldn't put the bike parts that fell off in the bag with the camera she was recording him with!
Cathy Burton – for pouring water all over the client at Brent.
Matt Drysdale – for Natalie shouting across a crowded train platform “do you need a wee before we get on the train?”
Elaine, for being decked by Paul Sanderson for trying to use a laptop without signing it out.
Winner: Rachel Simmons
And you can check out that video on:
http://www.myspace.com/noisynoras

Award for: Most likely to keep you informed.
Sponsored by: BT – its good to talk!
Nominations:
Karen E – daily updates on the state of the toilets, fridge and time until the printer engineer
Hayley Miller for her daily, hourly, minutely updates on the returns record.
Goose for a million and one emails to say he’s awake, going for lunch, back from lunch or going for a pee.
Winner: Hayley Miller

Award for: Least Likely to Take a Phone Call
Sponsored by: Field
Nominations:
Jake – Bury PCT and Erewash.
Phil – Male clients.
Accounts – anyone who we owed money to.
Mandy Moo – all marketing calls.
Winner: Accounts

Award for: Most Animal Like
Sponsored by: The Norfolk Panel (run by a Goose, a Chimp and a Quack)
Nominations:
Paul Kemp – for being everyone’s favourite Chimp.
Angus Tindle as Goose
Mandy Kirwin – for being a Moo
Baggers – for becoming a Quack
Winner: Goose – he even flapped to ensure the name stayed.

Award for: Dumbest Comment
Sponsored by: Sponsored by Cat York who may well have won if she was still here.
Nominations:
Sam & Roy – It’s code - SH-1-T
Natalie for asking Roy to print the white.
Karen B – For consistently asking what year it is.
Hayley miller for thinking Peggy Sues plums were huge grapes
Winner: Natalie Metcalf

Award for: Loudest person in the office
Sponsored by: Simon Driver –cos he’s quiet in the office but not in the pub!
Nominations:
Kate
Rachel Simmons
Andrea Robinson
Mandy Moo
Karen B
Winner: Andrea Robinson – for her wicked (if slightly loud) laugh.

Award for: Long-service award
Nominations:
The runner ups for this award are – the printer engineers for living in the office despite not being staff and Jo Ellarby and Andy Webster for practically growing up at RBA. Donna and Tim with just under a decade each.
Winner:
The undeniable winner is everyone’s favourite Aunty T (Tina Dodds) what would we have done without her.

Award for: Most Inappropriate Comment
Sponsored by: Becky and Karen’s housemate Hamer Garland – for the Date Rape and Clown comments to a new employee that night in the sports bar!
Nominations:
The Tameside and Glossop Questionnaire – for letting respondents say they didn’t attend their cervical smear test because “I was held in an inconvenient place”
Nat – “Do you need a wee??”
Alan – I've got a foot fetish
Celia – for her requests that just about anyone in the company book her hotel for her / generally be her skivvie.
Matt – for telling Karen “Simon said he'd rather have Celia as a line manager than you”
Phil – “for asking the Spanish Sweetie to wait for him in the kitchen” and lets face it many many other comments about female clients and members of staff.
Winner: Phil Back – we’ve actually made the certificate out to the biggest schmoozer / flirt in the office

Award for: Most Likely to Get Kicked Out the bar
Sponsored by: Sponsored by our favourite Hakuna bouncer T
Nominations:
Chris T – for getting us all thrown out of wardrobe on his leaving do.
Sam – Jakes bar, the pub in Lakes, Prohibition (repeatedly) – she’s a liability!
Jake – Hakuna, elbow rooms and Jake’s Bar all in one night!
Webster – being thrown out of Hakuna and for constantly / being ID’d wherever we go.
Winner: Sammy Lettuce

Award for: Person Least Likely to Make it Home After a Night Out
Sponsored by: City Cabs – who can be reached on 0113 256 9999
Nominations:
Iain for trying to cycle home after 8 pints in Hakuna
Dave & Karen – on any night they tried to keep up with Iain
Dan for trying to get into private cars on call lane instead of a taxi and then being completely unable to stay awake past Hyde Park Corner on numerous occasions.
Nat & Karen – as they spend 2 hours gossiping on a step before going to get a taxi.
Sam - because she left hours before everyone else (not of her own choosing) and lets face it is just a liability!
Winner: Dan Fletcher – the boy just can’t stay awake long enough.

Award for: Best Dance
Sponsored by: Alcohol
Nominations:
Pegster – Moon Dance
Celia/PK – Xmas party dance
Elaine for lap dancing at the Christmas party – ok that was the company before RBA, but there is always tonight!
Webster & Jake for their special dance time at the Cottage
Matt Karen Bex Nat "Happy Dance"
Hayley and Matt behind the curtain in the box on the pub crawl bank holiday day!
The Amsterdam crew for dancing to Ghostbusters outside a strip joint at 11am on a Sunday.
Winner: Andy Webster and Jake Gardner.

The evening that followed was more catching up and reminiscing, although there are too many memories to contain on one page, the ones that were on the memory board at the end of the night, in no particular order, were...

Going to the loo for a sit down and realising too late that the bloody huge toilet roll holder was out of paper- thank Christ I'd taken the radio times in with me! by Mr Timothy Neal.

Karen Bagshaw dancing with two naked nuns in Berlin. by Angus Tindle aged 32 and 1/4
Sams on / off relationship with the floor of prohibition - yo love you Sammy! Anonymous(I suspect - Natalie).
Just being part of the RBA family for 8 years. by Donna Nixon
Hayley and Biba asking me if Paul S was the other 'gay one'! by Kate Storey
Getting Pissed with Sutherland and Thorpe before I even started. Should have realised not to join. by Paul Kemp.
Kempys backing vocals to any song under the sun. Anonymous
Singing 'a bridge over troubled waters' with the harccore 4. As you can imagine it was beautiful. by Andy Webster, seconded by Jake Gardner, (and m, and cat would have if she was there)
Skinny dipping in Derwent and convincing KB that it was a good idea for her to do it too. by Jake Gardner.
PKs bum. Anonymous
Jonny Gingold being told there were three lesbians at RBA and picking Mandy, Tina and Kate as the three most likely suspects. Thanks Tim! Anonymous
PK thumping the poor computer monitors. Anonymous
Webster preening his hair. by Andrea Robinson.
Jake preening his lovely hair. by Andrea Robinson.
Too many good times to single out. Parties, alcohol, dancing, actually it has to be taking the train to the end of the line in Berlin... even the conductor wanted to pole dance! Good times, Boogie! by Elaine Barnes.